At our house we are praying ...

... for Mark and Beka. Pray with us?

Guilt and Some Common Pitfalls

I can't count how many times as a wife and mom that I've felt guilty about one thing or another. This pregnancy has been no exception to my guilt trip habit.

Here are a couple of pitfalls I tend to dive into:

1. Instead of taking one day at a time, and realizing that I am truly doing the best I can, I let myself worry about the things I am not doing.

Did Selena get enough outside time today?

There's dust on my windowsill.

I only got through one load of wash and not three today.

I haven't baked in 10 days.

I haven't blogged in a week. Okay - more then a week.


2. The Wallowing World of Martyrdom

I am allowed to take Tylenol, but I am just going to suffer through this headache to show what an Amazon woman I am.

My hip is about to fall off, and my leg is numb, but I am going to play on the hard floor with my daughter because I am a wonderful mom who puts my kid first.

I am really tired today, but I am going to make the most complex recipe I have to show my husband how much I love him.

These pitfalls cause me to lose my joy. They also prevent me from giving glory to God with my lips, the expression on my face, and my heart. The little mini-me who follows me around the house is sure to pick up on these things.

On days like this one, I have debilitating sciatica. Today, I can barely feel my left leg! I am trying from the start of the day, to its finish - to make all my thoughts and actions captive to Him. As I literally and figurately limp through this day, I will try not to trip and fall into these pits ...

Because I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Because I am to rejoice in the Lord always.

Because I am made in His image.

Because my chief end is to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever.

I am going to smile through this day!

DaDoo Dod!

Lena has two books entitled "Thank you, God!" Now that she is at the ripe age of 15 months, (where did the time go?) she is able to ask for her books by title.

I would like to offer my own thanks to God for all of His tender mercies to our family.

I thank you Lord, for a happy daughter who bounced back from a trying experience ...

And I pray that she will learn to love you.

I thank you for a husband who works hard, even to the point of overdoing it and getting sick. I thank you for his job Lord, for we can't take these things for granted...

...And I pray that he will be a bright light for you.

I thank you for our home ...
... and I pray that we will use it for your glory.

I thank you for your Word, and for other great books ...
... and I pray that we will guard our eyes and our hearts.

I thank you that my daughter has two sets of Christian grandparents ...
... and I pray that you would bless them for all they have done for us.

I thank you Lord, for adoption, for without it, where would I or my sister be?
... And I pray for those loving people who are willing to open their homes to a needy child.

I thank you for a church that teaches your Word ...
... and I pray that we will be able to be a blessing to your saints.

Thank you Lord for a full freezer and refrigerator and a stove to make wonderful meals ...
... and may we always share what we have.

I thank you Lord for our dear friends ...
... may these bonds become stronger.

These are just a few things that the Lord has blessed us with lately. As we enter the weekend, especially with the holiday rush in full swing, may we remember to stop and be thankful. Without Him, we would be nothing and would have nothing. Have a wonderful weekend!

The Aftermath

A dream is shattered by a piercing shriek, amplified by the monitor sitting on my dresser. Inwardly I groan, fighting the fatigue that has been surrounding me like a cloud for the past week. I hurry to the room across the hall, the room where my little precious sleeps. She sits in her crib holding her pacifier in one hand and her beloved "Moo" in the other. It is too early to be up. When she sees me, one "Momma!" escapes her lips, and not even able to sit up any longer, she sighs and sinks back down on her blankets.

Momma is here. Momma will always hear you.

I gather her up and give her a firm hug and a barrage of kisses. I tuck her in all snuggly wuggly. I kiss her cow and tuck him? her? in too. I stand over her crib and pray for my child. She hasn't been herself since the MRI. She is clingy, wary, scared to be awake and alone in the safe haven of her crib. She is moody with Daddy, enjoying his games, but then suddenly getting frustrated.

We worry about her, yes, but we are almost certain that this too will pass. She needs to regain her sense of security. We have seen more glimpses of our real Selena lately then before. So for now, we watch and pray. And give her little surprises, like a blinking little tree for her own room, and one at Nanna's with ornaments that she can touch! And I sing. I sing to her over and over. The song below has become a favorite -- but I substitute "When I am Afraid." for the last verse.

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Update on Selena

all snuggly wuggly the day after her MRI

I just talked to the surgeon, and she said that Selena appears to have a venous malformation, which is an abnormal collection of veins. She was born with it, and will always have it. It doesn't appear to be compressing any nerves or interfering with anything else, so we will just watch it and make sure it doesn't become symptomatic.

The only downside to it not being a hemangioma is that it will not disappear. She will always have a slight asymmetry to her shoulders. But we are so thankful that she won't need surgery!!

I would run and give her a big hug, but she is napping :-)

A reminder and a quick note

Thank you so much for your comforting words on my last post. I truly appreciate your love and am thankful for all of you! I consider you friends, and I mean that.

This is a busy week, full of many delightful things. However, we got some sad news last weekend that the son of some close family friends was killed in a car accident. How sobering and needful to be reminded that this earth is not our home. What a grievous thing it must be to bury your child. Sometimes we can't understand, but we have to cling to our faithful God. What else can we do?

I just wanted to stop in to say hello. I know I have been posting less frequently lately, but hopefully things will settle down in a couple of months. But for now, I must tackle my huge to-do list for this week. I may not get to stop in until next week, but I'll be thinking of all of you.

Just a reminder to you parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles, and friends. Christian Children's Book Review is hosting a book giveaway for the entire month of November. Trust me, you'll want to visit!!

It's amazing how some things are burned into your memory. Yesterday, we took Selena to see the plastic surgeon for her hemangioma check. I used to volunteer as a play counselor in a children's hospital, and some of the memories I have of that place came flooding back. Although it wasn't the same hospital, there were the same brightly colored walls with animal murals. There was a beautiful wall waterfall. Selena was mesmerized as countless children have been and will be.

We walked past the critical care unit, oncology, nephrology, and even neurosurgery. I had to catch my breath. I had to remind myself that we were only passing these places. I remember ten years ago, walking the oncology floors, a sweet toddler nestled in my arms. She was a very sick girl. I can't remember her name, but I remember her big brown eyes. I remember the thinness of her arms.

I felt thankful yesterday as Mr.S opened the doors of the plastic surgery department. We don't know what the future holds for any of us, but for now -- I thank God for health.

We were told that our little Lena needs an MRI. Her hemangiomas are already fading on her shoulder, but there may be some under the surface. We are still praying that there will be no need of surgery, and the surgeon confessed that she is loathe to operate. It would leave a nasty scar, and she seems to have full range of motion and no pain etc. But we have to be sure. So pray for our girl as she will have to be sedated for the test. Okay, maybe it is the daddy and mommy that need the most prayer!

I am thankful for our little trip to the children's hospital. It reminded me not to forget those parents and children who are living daily horror. It is so easy in the joys and busyness of life to forget. I don't want to forget.

Pumpkin picking, Short Commutes, and Prayer

Once upon a time, a little girl named Selena Anne went pumpkin pickin'.

She found the perfect pumpkin, but the wheelbarrow was more interesting!

She was dubious about the whole pony riding thing, but she tried to make the best of it!

We've been having fun times during the weekends, even though we sorely miss Daddy. Some weekends we go to PopPop and Nanna's house and others they come here. They leave us a present in the form of Auntie Nee for a couple of nights, so we don't have to be alone! This past weekend we went to a pumpkin festival and took plenty of pictures so Daddy wouldn't have to miss out.

God gave us an unexpected blessing when Mr.S's boss asked him to handle some work that needed to be done in one of their offices -- a little over FOUR MILES from our house! Today we had our first taste of Daddy home for lunch and it was wonderful. He'll be there for a little while, so we have at the least a few weeks of this wonderful short commute.

Today little Lena went to the doctor for a weight check (she's petite like her Momma), and we discussed her upcoming visit to a specialist for the strawberry hemangioma she has on her shoulder. The doctor wants us to talk to a plastic surgeon about it, because it seems that there is a lot of vascular business going on there. He doesn't seem overly worried, but everytime a parent hears the word surgeon - it doesn't create the most pleasant feeling in the pit of one's stomach. Please pray that if it is God's will, that she won't need surgery, and that the whole thing will disappear on its own. We go to the surgeon in three weeks. Of course we know that even if she needs surgery, that God will lovingly guide us through the process.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Prayer Request

Please pray for Beka. You can read more if you click on her name. She has surgery tomorrow, May 30th.

I have known Beka almost all of my life, and I remember how we used to pretend to have babies, using our dolls. She has wanted to be a mommy ever since I have known her, and so far God has said "Not yet, dear one."

She and Mark have incredible faith in God, and we are blessed to call them close friends. Beka and I were pregnant together for a few short weeks last year. Then we got the sad word that their sweet baby had died in the womb.

Please join me in praying for Beka's invasive procedure tonight and tomorrow.