God is preparing me to be a mommy. Let me tell you about Saturday night. I went to bed, tired as usual. I knew as soon as my head hit the pillow that the insomnia monster had reared its ugly head once again. I looked over at Mr. S who was blissfully sleeping, his peaceful snores wafting toward the ceiling. After an hour of staring at Mr. S, who by the way, did not notice my piercing gaze -- I got up and went into the baby's room. I sat in the glider and rocked and rocked. I even eyed the crib thinking how comfortable it looked! To make a long story short, at about 2 am I managed to drift off for a couple of hours.
Lately, I have been dealing with insomnia, a lot of painful pressure, fatigue, heartburn, backaches, clothes that totally don't fit, and nervous anticipation. But you know what? Every morning when I wake up, I feel my precious little baby squirming inside of me. I bow my head and thank God for everything -- the discomfort, the anxiety ... you name it!! I already have this incredible love for the baby.
I know that when she gets here, there will be a lot of dying to myself. When Mr S and I got married, I think we both had to learn how to be selfless. I know that God will have to do a lot more pruning in the months ahead. I am glad I am getting a taste of giving things up for the baby's sake already.
Mr. S has had a lot of practice already as well! He has to deal with my frequent outbursts of "OUCH!" realizing that it isn't TIME yet -- it is just one of "those" pains. He's become my masseuse whose massaging hands are always available. He's had to deal with "sweetheart I am just too tired to do that!" He's had to go grocery shopping with me every week lately. In the last couple of weeks, he has also had to deal with my anxiety and my frantic nesting. When he stands up he has to remember to reach behind and drag my bulky self up too! He has attended SO many doctor's appointments - and believe me - they have all been exactly the same. I've needed a lot of extra hugs and kisses lately because I just need to know he's there. I'm sure he could add many more things to this list if he were the one writing!
Not too much longer (Lord willing) and we will experience what God has in store for us in the parenting department. We can't wait.